I was going to watch a quick episode of a show, but then I felt compelled to look through my Idaho pictures. The Idaho trip I took was my first solo trip after a really non-ideal breakup situation. It was the first time since the breakup I just was able to get out on my own and realize how much fun I could have all by myself with the dog.
I feel like this Idaho trip had really started something pretty phenomenal in myself. For the first time in my life I felt like I had complete control. The major breakthrough on this trip was my first hike in over a year. I had put on my stiff hiking boots and didn't even pack lunch because I was sure I wouldn't be out long. I ended up going on a nearly six mile hike. A very steep three miles in each direction. The trail was also covered in snow. It brought me pretty close to the tallest peak in Idaho, Borah Peak, amidst the Lost River Range.
I gained and amazing sense of self on this trip; a feeling which has perpetuated throughout the summer. I feel like on my own I have so much more pride and determination in my my actions. Everything I do is because I and only I want to do it. And everything I achieve is because of my own perseverance. I certainly don't remember feeling like this when I was in a relationship. Was it because I've been in the wrong relationships? Or is it just because I haven't had the opportunity to prove myself to myself yet?
I find myself bringing up my Idaho trip frequently in conversation. It was just such a fun and perfect 4 days. I trip I would have experienced in an entirely different way if I had been in a relationship. There is a lot I've done recently which I never would have done if I hadn't been single.
So I guess the long story short is, do I try and pursue a relationship and hope that I can maintain my drive and determination, or should I wait until I feel the need to be in one? How does this work? I'm confused. A huge part of me wants to try this whole relationship thing again and another part of me is terrified.
